So...big news! A couple weeks a go I committed to my first handmade market. Why is this big news? Well, for one, you know by now I always have claimed to be an introvert who hates people..the one problem with this, as I heal mentally, emotionally, physically..I don't feel that way SO much anymore. I feel, could I even say, normal? When you suffer from chronic pain, normalcy is something you strive for, every damn day...but, I feel normal. I feel like I want to have relationships, both personal and business. I want to get my ass out there and make new friends. I want to help others grow because I feel like I have so much to share. I just want to feel like everybody else. I have spent too many days in bed, in the hospital or on the couch.
Secondly, this commitment is HUGE for me because from the beginning of 2019 I said "I refuse to fail. I refuse to say no. I refuse to accept no. I refuse to stay home because of fear. I refuse to let my anxiety control my day to day. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse" So I absolutely, 100% percent refuse to let my "small town business" status make me have the mindset that I should be "small town." Nope.
Third. My husband is the best. Honestly, the best..but...when I presented this opportunity to him, he offered all the negatives, not the positives...
- He has to work that weekend
- What about the kids?
- I am going to be on my own
- What if you get a migraine?
- What if you have an anxiety attack?
- Where will the kids go?
- Where will you stay?
Now, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. He is a provider by nature. He cares for others before he cares for himself. My husband is a public servant. He fights fires, he saves cats from trees, he teaches kids fire safety, he organizes mock prom crashes as realistic as they will let him, to help prevent kids from drinking and driving, the man is a freakin' saint...but...
I told him I don't care to all of the above. I am doing this for me. I love you. I love the kids, but this is for me. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for me and everything else will fall into place. I can't worry about the what ifs...all I can do is plan accordingly. I.AM.DOING.THIS..and I don't need a man, if he is my husband or somebody else, to help me. I am strong. I am fierce. All I need is me.
Now, I hope you don't take away from this post that I am a selfish bitch. Actually, it is the complete opposite. I care. I care so much, that I am forcing myself to do the things that I thought for so long were impossible. I am going to do it and I am going to fucking kill it.
I am so excited to share my journey with you. The big and the small. Happy Friday, friends. Let's kill this.